Tear gas, sirens, broken windows, vandalism, graffiti writing on walls and tension everywhere. My gut began to tighten, and a sense of overwhelming anxiety began to invade our home. I could see the tension and fear on my son Shane’s face, and my wife Ady, sat in disbelief shaking her head. At 10 pm, I told them I had to go to church, and I could visibly see the tension rising in their faces as they each took in a deep breath as I walked out the door.
As I drove into work Monday morning, I could feel a tension in my gut, a sense of uptightness or anxiousness despite a gorgeous and beautiful sunny day. A heaviness pervaded my outlook and I couldn’t pinpoint it or shake it. Why was I feeling so unsettled in the presence of a beautiful morning? Then I began thinking about the recent weeks; the young black jogger Ahmaud Arbery who was gunned down by two white men in Georgia. Police Officer Cody Holte was killed in the line of duty in Grand Forks. George Floyd’s death at the hands of Minneapolis police officers. The demonstrations, rioting and looting across our nation in response to the outrage over Floyd’s death. Massive unemployment. Immigrants amassing at our southern border. Climate change. All of this, still in the middle of the surreal and unprecedented Covid crisis.
Uncertainty, shaky, unsettled, nervous, angry, anxious, unprecedented, fearful, strange, unfamiliar, ambiguous, tentative, gloomy, murky, unsettled, sadness, and division, are all words I’ve heard floating in conversations of late. I’ve used several of these myself in relation to my own work and the world situation. Talking heads abound on TV news offering endless theories, view-points and opinion, but very little in the way of answers or understanding. It’s hard for me, and most likely for you, to know what our role is in all of this; how to be an effective Christ-like servant in the midst of the Covid crisis, and attempting to understand what role we each play in racism, inequality and the suffering of others. How does my lifestyle, upbringing, ignorance, or blindness hurt my fellow human beings? Answers and solutions seem far from my simple mind’s grasp. Only questions and uncertainty remain for me.
My favorite new song of late, that I like for many reasons, is Chris Tomlin’s, “Is He Worthy?”:
Do you feel the world is broken? (We do) Do you feel the shadows deepen? (We do)
But do you know, that all the dark, won't stop the light from getting through? (We do)
Do you wish that you could see it all made new? (We do)
Is all creation groaning? (It is) Is a new creation coming? (It is)
Is the glory of the Lord, to be the light within our midst? (It is) Is it good that we remind ourselves of this? (It is)
I think this really names the brokenness of our world of late. Our world is fragmented and malfunctioning on multiple levels. Creation and nature are crying out. The oppressed and impoverished are crying out. People of color are crying out. Justice and fairness seem unattainable for many. We are living in a very broken world right now. Answers and solutions seem evasive and slippery.
Did you catch the line from the song above? “do you know that all the dark, won’t stop the light from getting through?”
I don’t have any well thought out answers, or solutions or wisdom for you. I’m not that smart. I don’t want to be one more talking head on a video. I am just trying to lean into what I do know; faith. To trust God to see me personally and us together as a country through all of this. I do know that even just a little light from one little candle can overcome any amount of darkness. That’s physics, that’s fact, that’s faith! So even in the unknown of all of this, take your little light of God’s great love and keep doing kindness, blessing others through your words and actions, show care and compassion to strangers, friends, and enemies alike. Talk less… listen more. Humble yourself. Keep praying and then pray some more. Pray for others and then pray for yourself. Lean into God’s promises. Pray that God would grow you into a more compassionate person and that He would grow our country from what it is, to what God wants it to be. Does the Father truly love us? (He Does) Does the Spirit move among us? (He does) And does Jesus, our Messiah hold forever those He loves? (He does) Does our God intend to dwell again with us? (He does)
Come Lord Jesus and dwell in me, dwell in our land. Heal us and heal our land.
-- Rollie J.
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